Hello. To me. And to maybe one reader, whom I think is capable of understanding and even valuing my crazy, so I’ll continue. I actually rarely put people in the category of being able to understand- my fault, not theirs. I mention this because I’ve struggled for a while with thoughts on what I’d like this blog to be. And the idea I keep coming back to and can’t move past feels really scary, because I fear judgement. I fear not being understood, or sounding crazy, or worst of all being pitied. However, here I am, because my thoughts aren’t leaving, and in this case it seems like fear is more indicative of what is right than what is not.
So, what are these thoughts/ ideas for a blog that I keep coming back to? If only I could very succinctly explain my thoughts. I’m pretty scattered, but here’s the gist- I’m struggling as a mama. I’m struggling as an artist. I’m really struggling trying to figure out how to be both mom and artist, both artist and mom. I’m not even sure what order to put these in, both are equally important parts of who I am (fear of judgement from other moms now), but it’s the truth. I know there are other mamas who can relate. I know there are others who agree being a mom is the hardest work of our life. So, I’m going to try really hard to believe that truth, and ignore my fear of judgement from those who find the mom job easy and fulfilling.
I also know I’m not the only creative who struggles, big time. However, it is so easy for me to see beautiful posts and prolific artists on Instagram and convince myself that without a doubt I’m the only one struggling and no one else could possibly understand. But then one day I googled “best books for creative inspiration.” I had no idea! There are so many books out there written to help creatives through their struggles. I proceeded to order and devour a couple of these books. They are written by creatives who completely understand the struggle. How do they understand so well? They have without a doubt walked through these struggles; I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE! Really, it’s as if they could see all of my doubt and fear and struggle and resistance, and express these feelings, my feelings, much more articulately than I could ever attempt to.
So, back to the idea for this blog. Did I mention I’m a little scattered? I actually don’t have a clear path laid out. I’ve been delaying for way too long because of this. So, I’m thankful to be starting to accept the only way to figure out how to reign in my focus is to start writing. And this post is a start! Loosely there are two types of posts I’d like to include:
My Art
I’d like to focus on my art: what I’m creating, how I work, where I’m inspired, and what my process is like . *fun, colorful, light, happy posts*
My Struggle
I’d also like to share what I’m learning as I continue to struggle as a mom and an artist. I’m hoping this outlet will help me through some of my struggles. *raw, beautiful, challenging, authentic posts*
*because I’ve mentioned the two titles I’m struggling to reconcile, both mom and artist, I’m happy to have started another blog with ALL THE PHOTOS of family, fun, beauty, and the joy of motherhood. There might be a little bit of overlap on here, but for the majority this blog is written by me, the artist.
pepperedpaper.wordpress.com 